Friday, August 18, 2006

Tell Me A Fairy Tale, Uncle Rushbo!

(News Theme Music and lights up on a man in a suit seated at a desk, music out. To be performed as an angry rant in the style of Lewis Black or Andy Rooney after being kept in a cage for a week fed only Mexican food and tequila.)

Hey! I'm Archie Levine! And THIS is what I think!!!

(shift to a serene and cherubic demeanor) I think I'd like to hear a fairy tale. Uncle Rushbo, can you tell me the one about the nasty old liberal media and how they control the whole wide world, and because they hate George W. Bush so much they will stop at nothing to destroy him with lies and non-stop coverage of any teensy weensy little bad thing he might do, and how if they can't find anything that's true they just make up terrible bad evil lies about him because they just hate him so darn much they can't even see straight?

(shifting back to his normal, adorable rage) Look, you fricking pain pill addicted, viagra smuggling, pimple on your butt so you don't have to go to Viet Nam, disinfotainment spewing, hate mongering proof that Freud was wrong about cigars....I double dog dare you to compare the mainstream media coverage of two stories which, miraculously, broke at the same time:

1) The President of the United States was ruled by a judge to have exceeded his authority in spying on the American People, acted contrary to the Constitution he has sworn to defend, and may very well be guilty of a criminal act which merits jail time.

2) A nut job in Thailand claims to have killed Jon Benet Ramsey and is arrested by Thai officials who release information regarding his confession which they later retract.

Instead of detailed, objective analysis of the ruling....Hell, instead of slavering over the ruling like a pack of half-starved baying hounds eager to get at a frightened rabbit with a broken leg...we get nearly non-stop coverage of this murder and sexual assault of a little white girl that happened in 1997! It is the number one story on Google News! And if we aren't hearing about this dubious confession, we're being prodded into an ever increasing fear of combining any two liquids or gels in the wake of the foiled British terrorist plot!

Terror terror terror....its all you want to feed us. Aren't we supposed to be freeing the world from governments that try to control their own people through fear?

Here's the thing...if there actually were a liberal media bias, would the media be owned and controlled by the very same corporate interests who are the biggest contributors to conservative causes and candidates?

If there were a liberal media bias, wouldn't it be asking why the Bush administration urged the Blair administration to make arrests in London earlier than Scotland Yard wanted, seriously compromising the potential of convictions? And why those arrests coincidentally diverted media attention from Ned Lamont's victory over Joe Lieberman?

Wouldn't Wolf Blizter ask why the Republican Party refuses to endorse their own party's candidate in Connecticut?

Wouldn't a liberal media ask the President why it is that if the terrorists hate our freedom he is actively seeking to limit and erode those freedoms?

Wouldn't a liberal media ask why the US and Britain are the only countries who are banning liquids from air planes and taking such extreme measures as warning women not to wear gel bras on flights?

If the definition of terrorist is someone who uses fear to obtain their political goals which could not be otherwise obtained through legitimate means...doesn't that mean that the President is a terrorist?

I don't know about you...but the possibility that the female passenger next to me might have exploding boobs doesn't scare me. What scares me is that the most dangerous boobs in the world are the leaders of our country.

I think that come November we should all get together to lift and separate them from office, don't you?

And if we don't have a liberal media to help us do it, well that's just too damned bad. Nobody said it was going to be easy. Not much worth doing is.


Blogger Archie Levine said...

Interesting that, as John Dean has pointed out, this George W. is the first president to ever publically admit to an impeachable offense.

The freaking problem is that he knows admitting it doesn't matter, because it hasn't been America since September 11th, 2001. He also keeps telling us that. No wonder the SOB is laughing all the time.

And to think this country was founded by revolutionaries opposed to absolute power invested in a single head of state.

Makes you weep how completely the terrorists have won, don't it?

What exactly are we supposed to be defending, anyway?

6:27 PM  
Blogger frstlymil said...

Of course the terrorists won. They did the second Bush and Co. used the 9/11 attacks to divide the country. Bush IS a terrorist by virtue of the fact he has used 9/11 to keep the U.S. afraid. You know, if the country had adopted the methods of El Al, back when everyone was hijacking planes to Cuba, none of this would be an issue and 9/11 probably wouldn't have happened. That airline hasn't had an incident in over 30 years. Not one. But the U.S. corporations don't want to "inconvenience" people like that. No, they'd rather do ridiculous measures like check hairspray and systematically remove all of our civil rights instead. Idiots. Worse are the idiots that vote for these people.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Tim McCormack said...

[jumps up and down excitedly, applauding]

2:33 PM  

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