Wednesday, July 12, 2006

What if they really were criminal masterminds?

I was talking with a friend recently about conspiracy theories. He came up with a nutty one based on birthdays that tied George W, Burt Ward, and Sly Stallone.

This conversation would have been better with the benefit of some mind altering substance, but given our ages, our minds have been altered enough.

He wove Burgess Meridith in there as having worked with both Sly and Burt, but hadn't connected the dots to I did it for him by telling him that Dick Cheney is often referred to as The Pengin on The Daily Show.

This led to my altered mind going into overdrive. I give you the results for your comment:

Penguin = Cheney
Joker = George Bush (this gives W too much credit, but he is insane and makes a lot of bad jokes.)
Harley Quinn = Laura Bush
Catwoman = Rice
Riddler = Rumsfeld
Bookworm = Wolfowitz
Two Face = Powell
R'as al Ghul = Rove
Black Mask = Gonzalez
Mister Freeze = Michael Chertoff
Scarecrow = John Ashcroft
Cain = Tom DeLay
Solomon Grundy = Ronald Reagan
Ventriloquist = Scooter Libby
Poison Ivy = Ann Coulter
Bane = Rush Limbaugh (Venom = Oxy Contin or Viagra, depending on what he needs relieved)
The Cluemaster = Robert Novak
Killer Croc = Sean Hannity (granted, croc in his case doesn't stand for crocodile but crock of something significantly less palatable.)
The Mad Hatter = Michael Savage

But really, does this work? John Kerry = Batman, John Edwards = Robin ?

Kerry is more like Alfred and Al Gore more like Batman. Lieberman is no Robin, however, but maybe Lieberman is more like that corrupt cop on the Gotham police force, Detective Bullock. Paul Wellstone as Commissioner Gordon. Nancy Pelosi is Batgirl.
Hillary, of course, is Wonderwoman.
Bill Clinton = Superman (Man of Teflon instead of Steel).
Howard Dean as Green Arrow.

I could go on, I suppose, but I'd only reveal the true extent of my desire to avoid living my own life.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

W and mastermind don't link in my head, unless you're talking about that game with the colored pegs and even then, it doesn't correlate beyond plastic and secrecy.

Dick Cheney as the Penguin. Yeh, baby! But I grew up as one of Stan Lee's True Believers ("Make Mine Marvel"). Mulling who'd be the analog for the ruling cabal in the Marvel Universe.


10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today is Embrace Your Geekiness Day so it seems fitting to have this dicussion.

For my two cents, I would suggest Barack Obama as the Boy Wonder of the Democratic Party.

It might be more useful, however, to define the several Robins in the DC Universe:

Dick Grayson (graduated to solo work): John Edwards
Jason Todd (deceased): ???
Tim Drake (latest Robin): Barack Obama

Also, the Green Arrow was ostracised by his fellow heroes for his communist leanings if that helps you better decide who you want in that role.

Have fun!

7:33 AM  
Blogger frstlymil said...

I'm kinda thinking that Cheney is Mr. Freeze. With Rove as the Penguin. I don't think Kerry or Edwards fall into the Batman and Robin category - nor do Pelosi or Hillary do it for me as Batgirl and Wonderwoman - the thing with superheros is that they do what's right for the people, at no matter what expense to themselves, without changing their mind - and never take credit for it - hence the mask. I'm really not sure we have anyone currently who can fill that requirement.

6:41 AM  

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