Friday, September 23, 2005

The Cat is Out of the Bag

You know that old Chinese proverb, which is probably not even really Chinese, about the greatest curse being to live in "interesting times"?

We're living in pretty interesting times.

You knew things were going to get interesting when one of the first things that happened to George Bush, and by extenstion, THE REST OF US, after taking office was that we almost went to war with China.

I know, you probably don't remember, because that happened before we started living in a POST SEPTEMBER 11th WORLD, but if you think back we had a big old spy plane that hit a Chinese fighter jet and it had to crash land in China and Bush had to use some pretty tricky diplomacy to get our kids and the state of the art spy plane out of there safely with secrets intact.

Well, we got the kids out and we're crossing our fingers they had a chance to destroy most of what they left behind. Remember now? How about this, do you remember how in the middle of this international crisis Bush just blurted out on a morning talk show that the US would defend Taiwan if China attacked it. A bold and decisive step, or it would have been if it didn't seem like he made it up on the spot, because nobody at the Pentagon knew that was the new policy.

Not long after, we flip flopped and went back to the official ambiguity of our decades old China policy, and the whole thing was forgotten...especially after so many other things started popping up that we knew we'd better be worried about.

September 11th.

Osama bin Laden and the Al Qaeda terrorist threat.

The Anthrax mailer and biological attacks on the capital building.

Huge corporate scandals among some of the biggest backers of a sitting President.

The invasion of Afghanistan.

The danger posed by Sadam Hussein and his weapons of mass destruction.

Balancing the public display of Colin Powell's diplomatic efforts to avoid war and the administrations massive mobilization and preparations for Shock and Awe.

Winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people.

Ensuring that the American People have an election in which the results are clear, demonstrable, and beyond dispute...and getting anything but.

The rising cost of the occupation of Iraq in lives and dollars....nearly 2,000 and 300 billion (respectively) so far.

An increasingly polarized nation with increasingly bitter partisanship.

Televangilists praying for Supreme Court justices to drop dead so they can fill those seats with people who will push this nation further toward a fundamentalist Christian theocracy.

Increasing dependance on foreign oil, pushing prices over $70 a barrel and over $4 at the pump.
Ice caps melting, global warming, and the worst hurricane season in history.

An entire American city wiped out, evacuees spread out over the country.

Political cronyism revealed that exposes a level of national insecurity we couldn't have believed possible even BEFORE 9-11, let alone 4 years later.

Trying to balance an obvious world wide rise in terrorist activity with the claim that we are winning the war on terror.

Nuclear tensions with North Korea and Iran, two nations formerly unrelated but forever united by being labled part of an axis of evil.

More airlines going bankrupt.

The looming threat of world wide pandemics.

I could go on and on listing things we need to be worried about, but you and I both know that when you start to make a list like that, you just get overwhelmed, depressed, and take your bottle of Vodka and head back to drink in your bedroom while watching TV Land where you can pretend the biggest problem facing the world is how to get Richie Cunningham laid.

No, doing that would just be playing into the terrorists hands. You have to prioritize, and this week, the good people of Roanoke told City Council what they are most worried about.

CATS RUNNING WILD THROUGH THEIR BACK YARDS!

CATS SHITTING IN THEIR FLOWER BEDS!

CATS KILLING INNOCENT LIZARDS AND BIRDS!

That's right, Roanoke, you can sleep easier this week because we're going to get a five star task force to outlaw cats who think they can just roam around the way God intended them to.

There's a mighty wind in the air of this city, and it is bringing with it a clampdown on free-roaming cats and don't think their negligent owners are going to escape the mighty arm of justice either!

Finally, cats are going to have to get liscenced just like dogs, and we're going to be setting up a Kitty Guantanamo for the ones that don't have owners or for the ones the owners refuse to acknowledge because they don't want to get sterilized or euthanized.

I may have been unclear about who was getting sterilized and euthanized, I was drinking vodka in bed when I heard it on the radio, I'm not sure if it was the irresponsible owners or their cats, but at the end of the day, why bother drawing any distinction between these two groups?

You're either with the City or AGAINST THE CITY.

You're either with the CITY or WITH THE CATS.

The issue is now in the hands of the City Manager Darlene Burcham...She's already started negotiating with County officials to obtain bids on dogs to catch the cats, goats to catch the dogs, cows to catch the goats. At the time of this reporting, no plans had been initiated concerning horses to catch the cows, but I have this advice for Darlene.....

Don't forget that the Old Woman died.

Sometimes the remedy is worse than the malady.


Sources:

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hillary Clinton: Peace Mom Wrong on Iraq War



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Hillary: Peace Mom Wrong on Iraq War
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2008 presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton scrambled yesterday to put some distance between herself and Cindy Sheehan, after word of her private meeting with the anti-American "Peace Mom" was reported by the Village Voice.

While Sheehan herself gushed afterwards that her Hillary sitdown went "fabulously," the former first lady sounded a good deal less enthusiastic.

In comments guaranteed to infuriate the Moveon.org crowd, Clinton began by noting that she had met earlier in the day with about 20 moms from American Gold Star Mothers, who vehemently disagreed with Sheehan.

"My bottom line is that I don’t want their sons to die in vain," she told the Voice.


Story Continues Below


While Sheehan has called the U.S. liberation of Iraq "B - - sh - t," Clinton said:
"I happen to think that fighting for freedom is a noble cause. There are lots of things wrong with how Bush did it. I believe we should have gone through with the inspection process and acted through the U.N. But I believe that standing up against someone as dangerous as Saddam was a good goal.”

Hillary also rebuffed Sheehan's demand that she lead the charge to get the U.S. out of Iraq ASAP.

"I think it is a much more complicated situation," Clinton explained. "I don’t think it’s the right time to withdraw."

11:27 AM  
Blogger Archie Levine said...

See, this is what I can't stand. Some idiot who is too gutless to post a name thinks that a comments section is an appropriate place to post a news article without source attribution and nothing at all to do with the blog post to which the comment has been posted.

Are you trying to reveal the fact that Hillary Clinton is a supporter of the action in Iraq? Duh, I can read a congressional vote count as well as any idiot. I also know how to cite that source if I did.

Am I shocked to learn that Hillary is trying to appeal to both her base who are opposed to the war and to moderates who are opposed to opposition to the war? Uh, no, she wants to be President so she has to play the middle.

Don't ya have something to say about the damned cat-catastrophe in Roanoke?

I'm not going to delete your comment, which isn't a comment so much as copyright infringement on whatever website you proved you could cut and past from.

I'm leaving it up as a testiment to the idiocy of you Clinton Haters.

You Haters of the Half of America that isn't you.

You people lost in the past who can't get past the Clinton era. What did you hate most about it? Was it the peace or the prosperity?

Grow a brain, learn to use it, stop voting until you do.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous tamathy said...

Purrrrfect!

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very misguided about the prosperity that had nothing to do with Clinton.The recession had already started when Bush got in. The dot-com boom busted and the there was 9/11. The peace well we know Clinton had a good foreign policy. So good that we got takn advantage of by the bombing of the Cole and the embassies abroad.
I'm sure Clinton would have launched 400 cruise missles into Baghdad like he did in 1995. Gee what was he thinking?
VET

12:48 PM  
Blogger R said...

Uh oh! Archie's got a monkey on his site. Read my Planet of the Apes log again. Everytime you make a point against them they start waving the Junior Senator from NEW YORK in our face...like that is anything we need to worry about. No...THEY should worry about her. Not us.
Here is what scares me more than their endless f'ups Archie. WHERE is our Roosevelt (And I don't mean Teddy) Where is our Truman? Where? Where? Where? We are living in a Hoover my friend. (And I don't mean Herbert)

2:19 PM  
Blogger Archie Levine said...

Dear VET, welcome to my back.

>Very misguided about the >prosperity that had nothing
>to do with Clinton.

Why is it that the prosperity never has anything to do with Clinton but everything that has gone wrong under the current BUSH administration is CLINTON's fault?

And how many times do I have to say it? Clinton is not my ideal president...my ideal president probably couldn't get elected, but he did marry a hot broad three times his height, so at least he's got some compensation. Clinton just happens to be the best and smartest president during my lifetime...which goes back a ways.

>The recession had already started >when Bush got in. The dot-com >boom busted and the there was >9/11.

You guys must thank God every night for September 11th, because without it you'd have no excuses and nothing with which to rally support. As to the economy going south, I'd say it might have had something to do with nervousness about the end of the Clinton administration, not that fact that the Clinton administration happened in the first place. As I recall it, the economy started to tank right about the time it became clear that Bush was going to be the next President. It wasn't unreasonable to anticipate a war in the Middle East. Saddam started preparing for it as soon as the Rhenquist 5 made their choice. If you don't think the Florida debacle and the fact that the biggest supporters of Bush were also involved in the biggest corporate scandals didn't have something to do with the bust in the economy, you're blinded by your Clinton Hate.

>The peace well we know Clinton >had a good foreign policy. So >good that we got takn advantage >of by the bombing of the Cole and >the embassies abroad.

Uh, dude...I thought you conservatives were the ones who constantly tell us how important it is to fight the enemy over there instead of at home. Doesn't help your Clinton Hating argument to point out two examples where terrorists attacked us overseas instead of on American Soil like they did under Bush's watch. Don't mention the 1993 tower bombing, I concede that there were plenty of people so angry over the failures of the foreign policy of the first Bush adminstration that they attacked us during the Clinton administration here at home.

And, lastly, if you are a real Army Vet, thank you for your service and for protecting the rights of Americans like me to call American's like you wrong, and to dissent without that dissent being called disloyalty.

Also, I hope that you and all other vets will work together to ensure that when American military force us used abroad it is because the need is present, real, and demonstrable rather than political and based on contrived use of fraudulant and flawed intelligence.

We owe Vets like you at least that much. Support of our troops, at its most fundamental, means not wasting their lives and sacrifice.

6:24 AM  

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